Monday Funnies

Reasons not to mess with children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.' The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples the nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Men, Aren't they the lucky ones?

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice conc erning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

What's your take on this? Sounds like a fun life to me! I want to be more like a man, maybeI could try one week of living like this!

Lost and Degrassi

Writers strike has brought me to this. I must confess I have been watching Baylee's show that she has been watching for years now. Well there is a marathon on and it is replaying all the episodes. Over the years I have watched it with her just to spend time together. She started me on the marathon and I have to admit I am hooked. It is weird high school stuff and I have to wonder if kids really act like that and she tells me that they do. It is quite intriquing. I have seen date violence, a school shooting, jealous relationships, bipolar, cheating, and lots more. Kids do put up with a lot of crap these days.

My very best friend Caren loaned me the Lost 1st season. Roby and I started it last night. It is really good for the mind. Escape. I need that. We watched to whole first cd. only 6 more to go of the first season. Three seasons and the 4th is supposed to start soon. Yippee!

Also, I have been reading 3 books at one time. I will discuss that later. Oh yeah my car is broke so I am stuck at home and loving it (for now). Trapped like a beast in a cage with lots to do. I need to get back to my organizing and decluttering. I did actually do some cleaning today all the while I was fighting a doggone PMS headache. It seems to be happening more frequently and intense pain. The dirt from all the tractors hit the windows all day long. I wish they would hurry up and finish. I am tired of the dirt work. If it would stop I could wash windows. I am ready for spring. Some daffodils have sprouted.

I am rambling, must be stress or may be I am tired. Good Night for now.

pet meme

pet Meme

joyismygoal tagged me...

7 Random things about my pets:

1. Best pet ever, LILANN, she so adores Roby, and waits with anticipation upon his arrival. She is very annoying around new people especially girls...which she doesn't like too much until they give her a treat as a peace treaty. She thinks she is a doberman and doesn't realize she is only a chihuahua. She is a great bedwarmer and protector.

2. Kelsey K was our Persian kitty cat. She was the best cat in the world. She was awesome with children even when they were not too nice to her, like when would stuff in a small firetruck seat close the top and ride off with her tail sticking out. One time she caught her tail on fire when she walked by a candle and didn't even know it. It was funny. I miss her and her comforting purring. Added plus, she kept mice away.

3. Emma, Zoe, etc......We had quite a few outdoor cats for mouse duty and then when we moved out here they were all eaten by coyotes.

4. Baylee had guinea pigs and my favorite was Rodney like the one in that Eddie Murphy movie, and then she had Elvis that turned out to be Elvira because she was supposed to be a boy and was really a girl and we found that out when Rodney got her pregnant. Then we had many pigs to follow.

5. Fish- at our other house we had a pond and had so many fish to delight us, I miss that pond.

6. Snake and lizards- Ben had a ball python that was fun for a while. Smelly though.

7. Buckwheat was our first dog and he was a booger. Bad dog, no control, we loved him but he destroyed a lot.

7+. I know it is supposed to be 7 but I couldn't leave out my childhood pet, Happy Dog (a dachshund) , she was an awesome family pet, a very good dog, irreplaceable.

Pictures may come later if I find some.

I much prefer animals to people. Weird huh?

Wisdom

Today was another whopper! Mom has a fever, Baylee is still in extreme discomfort, and then when Kylee and Luke were visiting, Kylee had an allergy attack and started itching severely and she did not have her medicine with her, it is not fun to see all my loved ones hurting. One good thing, Luke pooped in the potty. That makes Aunt Kim HAPPY!

Wisdom teeth out

WEll Bay bay had her wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, all 4 of them. Not fun at all, she is starving and in deep pain. I hope today is better or we are calling for different meds. She is sleeping now and I hope she sleeps a bunch today. She said she just wanted to sleep until there is no more pain. Poor thing, she is so tiny now and when she had back surgery in 2006 she got so thin, I hope that she is eating again soon.

Christmas with the Malones

Wii was a wonderful fun family addition. Kylee and Ben are awesome bowlers!Kylee and all her Christmas dolls.
Baylee with her Psychology book (maybe she can figure out what is wrong with all of us! heehee

Ben opening his awesome gift. $$$
The whole gang trying to get Luke to cooperate in the photo shoot.
Ben shooting the Wii
Opening of gifts, Kylee ripped thru them in seconds and then wanted to move on and open everyone elses. While Luke stopped after his first gift and just wanted to put it together and play with it, forget about the rest.

Finally I have gotten around to posting some more pictures from Christmas.

It was nice and a little tense at times but we all survived

and decided next year there would definately be less decorations out and more time playing.

Christmas with the Judges

Goofy cousins
They are much calmer when Great Grandma is around.

Christmas celebrating began yesterday for us. We had a nice time. There was a funny video I took of Mama (Roby's Grandmother) and I am going to try and post it on youtube. She loves to receive money for gifts and the sisters really got her this year.

Ben is such a good guy. He helped me all day today. He heard I was going to be busy doing a good deed and he came over to assist me and worked very hard for many many hours. I would still be busy working on the project if he had not helped. I am fortunate him.

Wishing I was there

Youth (firm and tight with no gray or scars to show)

This photo brings me peace!!!!!!!!

I need to run away for a few days.....impossible physically but mentally I can. This is where I would like to go. Roby and I were being rafted down the river by a very nice Jamaican. The Jamaican motto they live by is NO PROBLEM.. I need to remember that motto myself. Right now it seems that everything is a problem. I need to think mind over matter. The mind usually wins. But for now I will just go back to 1985 when things were simpler just floating on a handmade bamboo raft...................What I didn't really realize then was that I had the best man in the whole world who would only get better with age.

Looking for order

I am still walking around this house looking for order. It is amazing how much things are in such shambles. Ben's stuff is all over since he is back from California. He is commuting to Rusty Wallis on the rail system. So far so good but it takes awhile to get there even in the car it is over 2 hours one way. He is anxious for that 1st paycheck.

All the decorations are making me claustrophobic. I need to try and focus on the things I need to accomplish and try to enjoy the Christmas season. With my kids being older it seems to get harder every year. I just really don't know what to do and what not to do. It feels like Christmas is so hectic and that is not what I want. I would like to time travel back to the simpler times, if only for just 1 Christmas. The times when kids were happy to just get 1 gift and have fun playing games and popping corn. Way back a long long long long time ago. DREAMING.............................................

I quit

I feel so relieved. I wrote my letter of resignation and I am going to deliver it today. It is a bittersweet feeling. I have to choose sanity and I feel like I was about to go insane. My children, hubby and mom can now come first again. I hope to be back to the peace and joy soon. I miss all my friends and family now I will have time. I do not know how women work 40+ hours a week, I guess I was not cut out for that. It feels like a boulder has been lifted from my chest. I walked away!!

love this quote

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting...holy cow!...what a ride!"
anonymous


This will definately be ME!

Chemotherapy is....

Today I took mom to her 1st treatment. It went dot...dot...dot... Just like we hoped and maybe a little better. The nurse and doc were very informative and best of all the Chemotherapy Nurse was excellent. She is definately in the right line of work. She explained everything completely so that we would understand it. She was very busy giving everyone there the treatments they needed. She took the time to talk to us and all the patients like we had known her for a long time. Mom did great once she got past the shivering and chills in the beginning. The stuff she is taking is
OOps! Teenage daughter having boyfriend crisis....gotta go....more later.

Thanksgiving Day

Turkey Time

decorating the tree
team work

frosty day

yippee it is snowing on Thanksgiving
Wow, I love Texas!

Thanksgiving Break Campout Pictures

Too scary, I need in this tent now!

Mountain dew time
Wonderful waterfalls!

Our spontaneous camping trip to Oklahoma!

Hectic............I have not been posting, here are some photos of Thanksgiving Break!

Latest Read

My latest read was this excellent book loaned to me by my Aunt Debbie. It was a fast read (1 day off and on throughtout the day). Very uplifting and spiritual. I would definately recommend this book to anyone who needs a kickstart to a better life and attitude. The book will leave you feeling pleasant. I will be finding other books by OG Mandino.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Kerplunk was a hit.
We had 63 candles lit and it was an inferno!

Today is my mom's birthday. She means the world to me. She is my best friend. I am making her a cake. I am not a good cook. I am making it with love and hoping for the best.

We had dinner, cake, and presents. Then we played games, Kerplunk and matching card game. Kylee and Luke decided they wanted to run and wrestle. It was fun! I love mom!

I am thinking in short sentences today, does that mean something?

Beautiful, this is why I live in Texas

What a gorgeous weekend! The weather was exquisite. I managed to spend most of my time outside. I killed ants, planted Elephant garlic, put out the goldfinch feeders and faithfully filled them with thistle in hopes that they would come this year in spite of the fact that there is so much machinery and construction going on during the week that I am afraid they might skip us this year but just in case I have their food ready. I trimmed some plants, played with the dog, lounged on the lounge chairs, watered some plants, threw out 50,000 wildflower seeds, walked around and looked at all the beauty in my surroundings.
I have to brag we have created a wonderful relaxing place it is home. There is definitely feng shi, all I need is a couple of goldfish and we have it all. The trees are beginning to turn their autumn colors and the berries are turning bright red and yellow. I took a couple of long walks and cleared my mind and the dogs bowels. Now we are ready for the week. If every weekend could be as relaxing it would be fine with me. Even though I am ready for some snow so we can go sledding. Yippee! I have my fingers crossed. Pure clean white snow!!

A perspective

I was cruising the internet looking for some peace and sweating the small stuff (like I have a tendency to do) I came across the following thoughts of lessons I basically already know but I want to have them at my fingertips so that I can refer back at a moments notice:

Lessons by Dale Wolf:

Put things in perspective.

Think about what’s really important, and stop worrying and whining about the rest.

Here are some things that in the big scheme of things are not that important:

You don’t like your boss. You don’t like your job. Stop complaining. Do something to change things. Realize that there are people just like you at other companies complaining about the exact same things.

A friend hasn’t returned your phone call. Get over it. Call them back. Calling friends shouldn’t be a game that involves scorekeeping.And speaking of scorekeeping…don’t. It’s not about whose turn it is.

Life ain’t fair.

Stop complaining about how busy or not busy you are. Accept that your life is probably the way it is due to choices you’ve made, Acknowledge this or make new choices. (I wonder how long it takes to see the effects of making new choices, is it immediate or does it take awhile? I am very impatient) ha

There are worse things than being 10 pounds overweight. (Tell that to the jeans that are about to squeeze the life out of me)

People don’t pay as close attention to you as you think they do.

If the dog eats the strudel, it’s not a real crisis. It’s only strudel.

Now I tell myself this all the time but I need to practice practice practice!

TOO Busy

I have been too busy to post. Man life is hectic. I do have halloween pictures and hope to have them posted before Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, I did a crazy thing yesterday and bought my son a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving, even though he graduates one week later and will be returning to Fort Worth at the beginning of Dec. I just couldn't bear to think of Thanksgiving without him.